


Kisses, Lies, Apologies

by fangirlfiction



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Civil War Team Captain America, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, Lies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-06-30 15:40:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15754701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlfiction/pseuds/fangirlfiction
Summary: Pairing: Bucky Barnes x readerWarnings: Angst, sadness, injuries, deaths, probably some mild cursingPrompt: Kiss me five times, lie to me seven, apologize five more.Summary: 5 kisses, 7 lies, and 5 apologies. Each more significant than the last.





	Kisses, Lies, Apologies

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second submission for a 1k challenge on tumblr! I hope you all enjoy it, and please let me know what you think! I think I’m gonna post once a week, so stay tuned because I have some exciting things coming!

You leaned back on your hands, and looked up at the stars above, smiling as your eyes instantly found the constellation, Orion. You searched the sky for the other constellations you knew, growing frustrated when the lights of the growing city made it difficult. Your eyes were searching for Sirius when you heard the door to the roof swing open behind you, and you knew it was Bucky without even turning around. You called over your shoulder, “Hey, Buck.”

He plopped down next to you and looks at you with curiosity. “How’d ya know it was me? You didn’t even turn around.”

You turn to look at him and roll your eyes. “ _Please_. You come stompin up here loud enough to wake everyone in the apartments. Steve is much quieter.”

Bucky scoffs. “Yeah, alright.”

You turn back towards the sky and search for Sirius again, and Bucky continues, “What’re you doin up here anyways? Startin to get too bright to find constellations.”

You sigh and turn to him again. “Yeah, I know. I just like finding them. There’s something incredible about picking out constellations in a sky full of dying stars.”

“Show me one, then.”

“Alright.” You point overhead to a trio of stars in a line, and you trace the shape of Orion. “That there is Orion the Hunter. There are a few versions of his story, but my favorite is about him and Diana. Diana loved Orion, and was planning to marry him, but her twin brother Apollo was angry about this. One day Orion was swimming in the ocean, but all you could see of him was his head. So, Apollo pointed Orion out to Diana, pretending that he was an object in the ocean, betting her that she couldn’t hit it. Diana took aim and sent an arrow to Orion with perfect aim, killing him. When his body washed up on shore, she was so upset with her fatal mistake, that she placed him among the stars.”

You turn to look at Bucky, expecting him to be looking up at the stars. You’re surprised to see him looking at you, the blue of his eyes dancing intensity. Suddenly shy you whisper, “What?”

Bucky places his hands on either side of your face before leaning in slowly, giving you enough time to pull away. You close your eyes and melt into him, adoring the soft kisses he places on your lips. When he pulls away, you look at him with a smile. “What was that for?”

“It felt like the right time.”

*

You slam the door to your apartment, before leaning against the door and taking in a shaky breath. You hear Bucky calling your name outside, before he softly knocks on the door.

“C’mon, let me in. We need to talk about this.”

You step back and pull open the door, incredulous. “Talk about this? You already made the decision on your own! Without talking to me. Without talking to Steve. So what’s there to talk about, Bucky? You can’t unenlist.”

Bucky gives you a sad look before asking, “Can I come in? Please?”

You step aside and allow him to walk in, and he takes your hand and leads you to your couch. He sits, pulling you down with him, and whispers, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have enlisted without talking to you and Steve first. I just…it was something had to do.”

You start to protest, but he cuts you off. “And you’re right, I can’t change it now. Which means that you and Steve need to take care of each other, keep each other safe.”

“We will.”

*

You walk back to the apartments, hand in hand with Bucky. You glance at him, noting the small frown on his face. You pull him closer and drape his arm over your shoulder, and he looks down at you and smiles. You smile in return. “He’ll be okay, you know. Steve, I mean. The Army won’t let him in, and I’ll watch over him.”

Bucky nods. “I know. I’m just afraid that he’ll never stop trying. The fact that he tried again tonight, on my last night… I’m worried someone will actually let em join.”

You squeeze his hand in reassurance. “They won’t.”

You’re both silent for a few minutes, continuing home, and your heart drops when you see the apartment building looming in the distance. You whisper, “I can’t believe you’re shipping out in a few hours. Leaving us behind. Leaving me behind.”

“Hey, hey, hey.” Bucky stops and turns you towards him. “The war will be over soon, and I’ll be back before you know it.”

You look up at him in earnest. “Promise me you’ll come back, Bucky.”

“I promise.”

*

“Steve, where is he? I don’t see him!”

Steve turns towards the crowd of newly freed men. “Is there anybody else? We’re looking for a Sergeant James Barnes.”

“There’s an isolation ward in the factory, but no ones’ ever come back from it.”

“All right. The tree line is Northwest, 80 yards past the gate. Get out fast and give em hell. We’ll meet you guys in the clearing with anybody else we find.”

Steve motions for you to follow him, and you stay close to him, watching his back. You both fight through the building, killing any Hydra agents that get in your way. Finally, you reach the isolated side of the building, free from any agents of Hydra. When you round the corner of the hall, you see a small man in a lab, and you both stare at each other in alarm before he turns to run off. You start to chase after him when you hear Steve’s voice calling your name, summoning you into a nearby room. You backtrack to the small room, taking note of the dirty walls, sparse décor, and puddles of…blood. You look up at Steve, who is pulling Bucky up from the lab table he was previously chained to.

You rush forward, tears falling down your face. You stand in front of him, and his eyes scan your face, not sure that you’re really there. When he realizes that you are, you both scramble closer, pulling each other into a desperate kiss.

Steve interrupts the reunion as explosions start to echo around you. “C’mon, we have to go!”

*

You look down at your boots, watching as the mud squishes from beneath them. You didn’t know it was possible to be this cold, this wet, and this filthy, but still be happy. But one look at your fingers threaded through Bucky’s proved to you that it was.

Steve yelled from the other side of Bucky, addressing the rest of the soldiers, “Alright, take 15! Stay alert. Don’t wander far.”

You turn to Bucky and smile, as you gesture to a fallen log nearby. He nods, silent.

You reach the log and sit on it, pulling Bucky down beside you. You pull a container of water from your bag, handing it to him after you take a sip. You watch as his eyes never leave the trees, watching for danger even as he takes a break. He’d been like this since the escape two days ago. Eyes always scanning for danger. Quiet. Withdrawn. You weren’t sure what to do.

“Bucky…” He glances at you when you pause, eyebrows raised, urging you to continue. “What happened to you in Azzano?”

You see him tense up before he replies, “Nothing.”

You sigh. “Bucky, you know you can talk to me.”

He gives you one of his signature smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Nothing, I’m okay, I promise.”

*

You stalk off into the woods, breath fogging in front of you in the cold night air. You let the cold European air cool the hot anger in your blood as you moved away from camp and deeper into the woods. The sound of boots crunching in the snow made you whip around in alarm, gun drawn and pointed at the approaching figure. Bucky’s blue eyes danced under the light of the moon, and his hands were raised in surrender.

“Didn’t mean to scare you.”

You roll your eyes and turn back the way you were originally heading, letting the darkness of the woods swallow you. Bucky jogged to catch up, grabbing your arm to pull you to a stop. “Hey, wait, look at me.”

You turn towards him, arms crossed, face set in anger.

“I’m sorry, okay? I just…I don’t understand why you did all of this. Taking the serum. Coming to Azzano. Joining the Commandos. It’s not safe.”

You roll your eyes again. “I did it for you, you idiot. I made a promise to keep Steve safe while you were gone. That’s why I took the serum. I came to Azzano and joined the Commandos to keep _you_ safe. Because I love you.”

It wasn’t the first time you said ‘I love you’, but something about this moment…it meant more.

*

You watched the snow fall around you, soft flakes landing in your hair and on your clothes. Despite the magic of the mountain, your mouth was set in a frown. Fear and worry settled on your shoulders like a weight. Sensing this, Bucky moved closer to you, grabbing both of your hands in his. He pressed a soft kiss to each palm. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“I should be going with you, Bucky.”

Bucky shakes his head and presses a kiss on one of your knuckles. “It’s gotta be a small team this time, and we need Jones for cover.”

He pulls you closer and wraps his arms around you, burying his head in your hair. He whispers, “Besides, I’ll never leave you again.”

Jones yells out, “We were right. Dr. Zola is on the train. Hydra dispatcher gave him permission to open up the throttle. Wherever he’s going, they must need him bad.”

Bucky pulls away, letting his hand trail down your arm until your hand is in his. He gives it a soft squeeze and flashes you a confident smile before moving over to Steve.

*

“Fire now.”

“But Steve-” Agent Hill begins, only to be cut off by Steve. “Do it! Do it now!”

The canons of the helicarriers fire around you, causing debris to rain down inside. You’re pulling Steve to his feet when Bucky cries out in pain from below. You exchange a look with Steve, before you both climb down and move towards Bucky, lifting the steel beam that has him pinned. He wiggles from beneath it, standing and eyeing you both with skepticism. Steve gasps out, “You know me.”

Bucky pulls back and punches Steve, yelling, “No, I don’t!”

Steve ignores him and continues, “Bucky, you’ve known me your whole life.”

Bucky pulls back and punches Steve again, sending him flying to the ground.

Unable to watch any longer, you pull your gun from your belt and aim it at Bucky, keeping space between the two of you. As Steve struggles to stand behind you, you look at Bucky. “Your name is James Buchanan Barnes.”

He lunges at you as he yells, “Shut up!”

He is straddled over you now, looking down at you with a crazed look in his eyes. You can see the fear and confusion laced throughout his steel blue eyes, and your heart aches for him. Steve moves towards you, intent on pulling Bucky away from you, but Bucky turns and shoots him once in the leg, causing Steve to drop.

You look up at Bucky with sincerity, trying to relay all of your memories together through a look. You whisper, “We were together, Bucky. We were in love.”

“No, we weren’t!” He pulls back and punches you, and you use one of your hands to shield your face from his repeated blows. You use the other to pull a knife from your belt and plunge it into his thigh, heart breaking when you hear him cry out in pain.

Steve makes it over to you again, and he pulls Bucky off of you, before turning back to look at you and yell, “Go! Jump!”

“But, I-“

“GO!”

You obey and turn to jump from the destroyed helicarrier, tears spilling down your cheeks as you hit the Potomac below.

*

You gasp as your head breaks to the surface, grateful for the air in your lungs. You swim towards the shore, dragging yourself up onto the bank, coughing and spitting up water. When you expel all of the water from your lungs, you roll over onto your back and look at the sky, remembering your first kiss with Bucky while looking at the stars.

You hear someone splashing in the shallow water near your feet, and you lift your head enough to see Bucky dragging Steve from the water. He drops his body next to you, waiting long enough to see Steve coughing up water, still alive. Bucky turns to leave, and you yell out, “Bucky!”

He turns and gives you a sad look before replying, “I’m sorry.”

Before you can protest further, he’s gone.

*

You run up the stairs of the French apartment building, taking them two at a time, praying that this is it. Today’s the day. You reach the landing of the 5th floor and you start jogging down the hall, eyes scanning the numbers quickly. 1555. 1556. 1557!

You stop outside the door and listen, and hearing nothing, speak into the comms. “Steve, it’s silent.”

“Okay, _wait_ for us. Do you hear me? Don’t go in there alone!”

You ignore him and twist the doorknob, surprised to find it unlocked. You push the door open slowly, quietly, revealing a small studio apartment. Empty. You holster your gun and move inside, surveying the room for any sign of him. For any sign of Bucky.

You see dishes all over the countertops, blankets tossed on the couch, a chair centered in the middle of the room, back to the wall. Perfect guard post. You wander into the kitchen, and your eye catches a slip of paper on the counter, near a small coffee pot. You grab it, eyes finding a familiar scrawl.

_Stop looking for me. I don’t want you to find me. I don’t care about you anymore._

Steve bursts into the room a second later, Sam standing behind him, weapons drawn. “I told you to-”

You hold up the note, and mutter, “He’s gone.”

*

You glance at Sam and Steve as they move closer together to discuss future plans, and you walk over to Bucky, smiling at him as you turn on the hydraulic press to free his arm. He smiles at you in thanks, and you crouch down in front of him, reaching out to grab his hand. He pulls away and you frown, hurt by the action.

“I’m no good for you. I’m dangerous.”

You shake your head and reach for him again, but he slides his chair back from you, the sound echoing in the warehouse. “No, I mean it. Did you not see what I just did back there? All it took was a few words and I lost control.”

“But Bucky-”

He stands, reaches out and squeezes your hand softly, before saying, “It has to be this way.”

*

You watch as Bucky unbuckles his seatbelt and moves to the back of the Quinjet, and you squeeze Steve’s shoulder as you get up, letting him know you’ve got it. You find Bucky in the back of the Quinjet, head resting in his hands, hair obscuring your view of him. You sit next to him, leaning back against the cool metal of the jet. “They know what they signed up for, Bucky.”

Bucky turns to face you, resting his cheeks in his hands. “They knew they were risking their lives and _breaking the law_ for an assassin with no control over his actions? I’m a killer. A weapon. I’m not worth this.”

You reach out and rest your hand on his thigh, using your thumb to trace circles there. “Hey, you are. You can’t control how Hydra used you. You are not what they tried to make you.”

Bucky doesn’t look convinced, but he doesn’t argue either. He reaches down and places his hand on top of your, lacing your fingers together. He whispers, “I’m sorry. About earlier, being so cold with you.”

“It’s okay. I know you just need time.”

*

“So are we, pal.” Steve descended down the ramp, leaving you and Bucky behind. You start to walk after Steve, moving past Bucky, but he grabs your arm to stop you. When you turn to look at him, you have trouble reading his expression, but he places one hand on your cheek and leaves the other on your arm before leaning in. His eyes search yours, looking for any signs of doubt, and finding none, he closes the space between you, pressing his lips to yours. You feel his doubt, so you grab the front of his uniform, using it to pull you closer together. He deepens the kiss, growing more confident, before pulling away, breathless.

You look at him with a smile and ask, “What was that for?”

“It felt like the right time.”

*

You looked out at the rising sun, admiring its reflection on the river below, breathing in the scent of the wildflowers all around you. The cool morning breeze shifted the grass around you, and with it, the sound of footsteps approaching from behind you. You let him grow closer, waiting in anticipation as he got closer, smiling as his arms wrapped around your waist from behind. He buried his head into the crook of your neck, pressing a kiss there. You hummed in contentment.

“Good morning, _white wolf_.”

He noted the laughter in your voice at the nickname, and he smiled as he spun you around to face him. “Hey, don’t be jealous just because they didn’t give you a cool nickname.”

You laugh, and his eyes light up at the sound. “I’ll try not to be. No promises, though.”

He pulled you into a kiss, all passion and love. Your breath hitched when his tongue swiped your bottom lip, and he breathed out a laugh. “I could get used to this.”

*

“Where’s the fight?”

“On its way.”

T’Challa nods at you before he departs, leaving you and Bucky to stare at the arm with silent apprehension. You speak up first, “Bucky?”

“Yeah?”

You take a deep breath, trying to keep your tears at bay. “Why does it feel like I’m about to lose you again?”

Bucky turns to you and sees the tears falling down your face, and he grabs you and pulls you into a hug, whispering quiet reassurances into your ear. When your breathing starts to even out, he pulls back and says, “Everything is going to be okay. You’re not going to lose me again.”

You nod, and he squeezes your hand in reassurance before grabbing the case for the arm and leading you back to the hut.

*

“On my signal, open northwest section 17.”

Shuri’s voice is doubtful. “Requesting confirmation, my King. You said open the barrier?”

“On my signal.”

Bucky reaches between you, grabbing your hand. You turn to look at him, fear in your eyes, and he pulls you in for a kiss. It’s desperate. Scared. Full of everything you need to say. He pulls away and smiles, just as T’Challa yells, “Wakanda Forever!”

*

You pull yourself to your feet, watching as Thanos disappears from the woods of Wakanda. You run over to Bucky and help him to his feet, before turning to Steve. Steve is staring at the place Thanos disappeared from, and his head snaps over to Thor. “Where’d he go?”

From behind you, you hear Bucky ask in confusion, “Steve?”

You turn to see part of his arm turning to ask, followed by his legs, and his torso. He turns to look at you, eyes full of fear, looking haunted. The last thing he says to you is, “I’m sorry.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave me comments and feedback, and feel free to leave requests!


End file.
